I'm so sorry for not updating anything, I was without Internet past few days and today's first day of school after spring breaks. Last few days were wild I can't even describe it. I forgot to take vitamins again (I have one big bottle of vitamins and minerals I need to take every day for 4 month because I don't have almost any) and I promised from today, I'll start to exercise for summer body (not to mention that I ate sandwich and chocolate).
I feel so fucked up. I don't know why, it just hits me at random times. I was happy, laughing a second ago and now, I wanna cry for no reason. I hate that. I started talking to my crush again and I realized something: I'm telling everything to my friend and actually, we tell each other everything 'cause we both now that we won't tell anyone (like we would, neither of us have friends lmao) and whenever I'm talking about my crush, something bad happen; I needed to go to his place in Saturday but plan canceled 'cause of something and every damn time so no more talking about crush (who would listen that anyway).
Okay so, I miss my game, I want to play it but I need to change thermal paste as I said 'cause laptop is over heating, when Internet went down, the TV went down too (actually, TV was first) and my parents were so nervous and mad. Okay I suggested them to play with cards since I don't really remember last time we hang out. They didn't wanted. Fine. I think that at least here, my family is the only one who doesn't get along. At all. We just don't communicate with each other, when we do, it's usually arguing. On Easter, we needed to go off to town but we were in fight again and I said that I'm going by walking (town is 40 and some km away) and I literally went, I grabbed my bag and went out, made couple of steps and remembered that I forgot something then went back. Then dad said that I can go with them but no killing each other. I'm so crazy that I'd do things like those. I even wanted to run away couple of times from home. I haven't even payed that much attention how my family is bad until we had some random quiz in class about family and we had 12-13 questions and ranks:
1-5 numbers, 1 for not at all or so little and 5 ofc for best score or whatever and questions were something like: Do you hang out often? etc etc. Then professor said under 30 it's very bad, 30 is average... I got fucking 16 points. 16. There were some numbers like 2 but mostly 1. I hate my family but what can I do. I tell myself that when I move out, I don't wanna see them ever again and they said that too and then random feeling hits me again: last time it hit me when I was washing dishes like; I'm telling that now how I don't wanna see them but I'd miss them eventually. No matter how bad are they, I'd still miss them and I cried my soul just by thinking of that. I'm very emotional, I even cry for some situations I imagine that will never happen but they have sad endings.
Well, what else I can say but I need to go now, I'm super tired and I still need to do workouts.