I'm left without cigarettes and one girl took my lighter, now I don't know what am I gonna do. If I don't smoke, I eat. I'm total garbage and fat. People keep telling me that I'm not fat, I'm average but they don't know the struggle when I eat something, my stomach bulk up. I'm not obsessed with that tight gap thing, only with flat belly (aaaaand maybe just a little bit bigger boobs, you know, to fill that emptyness in my bra lmao). Anyway, I woke up this early 'cause I need to study sociology plus I need to visit doctor. Those antidepresants doesn't help me at all. There's this one guy who's always picking up on me, but ALWAYS. I told him how annoying and irritating that is but he won't stop. Plus he doesn't know English very good and always asks for help. Well, not anymore. Ask someone else from now on. Yesterday he sat behind me and constantly was stabbing me with pencil. I turned around in the speed of light and yelled at him I fucking swear I'll punch him so hard that his head will rotate for 180 degrees. Then he's all bitchy: OMG why are you maaaaad?
No, I can't ignore people. I try but I can't. Then there's that "my friend" who I sit with and she just laugh with him whenever he do something stupid to me.
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Kurt Cobain
I already told how I'm in love with F and how my old friend (M) and me begin to talk with each other. So, I haven't said this but when me and F stopped talking for the first time, I was really depressed. I use to see him in other guys (their smile is just like his, their haircut, etc) and even now I see it but there's one guy who seriously look like him in one my friend's class. I felt in love with him just because he looks like F. Pretty desperate right? His name is Josip and GOSH, I knew that Sagittarius people are flirty (I'm Sag) but not to this point! Whenever I see him, my heart rate goes up rapidly. That's why I began more and more coming to my friend just to see him. Whenever he walks by me, we just look each other in eyes. I thought that something will be between us but, last time when I came just so she can give me something, he was like:
She again!
In a waaaay rude mode.
I nearly cried. Why does shit always happens to me.
I stopped coming to her class. Whenever I see him coming, I just look down and wait 'till he pass. Whenever there's break, I stand on the window and pretend to talk to someone on phone just so I can see him in the backyard. Yesterday I was in front of my classroom and eating chips while he was passing by and he was talking with someone. Then before I lost him near the corner, he turned around.
I don't know was he looking at someone else but that seriously melted my heart.
I'm tired, depressed and I ate chocolate. I seriously need to stop eating next week idc how bad that is I don't wanna have that awful belly fat.
See ya