Alright, I've already said a couple million times of my desperate love life but I haven't said much about my personal life.
Who doesn't like music but seriously? Everyone have ofc different tastes. Most of them while listening to music "escape" to their own world, imagining something beautiful, perfect life. I do that all the time.
I live with my dad (he can't even take care of me 'cause of his mental illnes; he was in war 1991-1995) and my mom abandoned me when I was only 6 months old; and since from that, I've never had any contacts with her, not even called me or anything for 17 and some years (I'm 18 now and don't even have a urge to find her, she's dead for me). My grandma who's thankfully still young (well, she's not that old, 60 years old) take care of me. When I hit puberty, the real problems started:
I'm rebel and I don't like when someone's boss of me. I do houseworks as well but still, when grandma come home from her job and she's mad, who'll she yell at? Me. Whatever I do (good or bad), she yells. Okay, I got used to it but it's beginning going on my nerves. I was kicked out on the street couple of times for really dumb reasons just because she was in cranky mood. Somehow I came back everytime but some day I'll be really furious and just go. Anywhere, I don't care if that means sleeping on the street then okay, better than staying with them for long. She and my dad often hit me but hey, this is Balkan, that stuff is normal here.
I got depression, I even cut myself before and have really big urge to do it again but I promised my friend that I'll not cut myself for a year and it'll be in June. I'm in good mood only when I'm with some people I really admire and I really like but sometimes I really want to be alone.
That's why everytime I put on headphones and turn on to music, I "travel" to my world, my perfect world where I am with the guy I love, we sleep together, do stuff together, travel together,... My genre are mostly punk (and that guy I like, F, introduced me to that music 'cause he started listening to it when he was in bad mood and it kinda helps for me), then metal, rock and even Lana Del Rey. Okay I like her music and how she has in them that special, depressive tone; excellent for me when I'm fucked up.
The only thing that's bothering me is that:
that guy goes to concerts and he want a girl who'll go with him. I REALLY want to go to concerts but.... no money... LIKE I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH HIM, LIKE I DON'T WANT TO MEET MEMBERS OF SOME BAND LIKE HIM, LIKE I DON'T LOVE HIM....
Okay I need to settle myself down for a bit, I need to write an essay about Holocaust for History class and turn on some music.
I just hope I don't go completely mad.
Ciao